Watching the Democratic debate is kind of like watching a beauty pageant in high school.
Sure, typically the most popular girls are up there on stage. But usually, knowing the hierarchy of high school as I do, almost every clique is at least represented by somebody. More often than not, there are two or three of the seven or eight who stand out with a clear-cut shot at winning.
The others? They'll get honorable mention.
For the Democrats, the three most beautiful (or richest, or smartest depending on how open-minded your school was) are Clinton, Obama and Edwards.
Not only is it a three-way race in Iowa polls (the poll I pay most attention to, you can have your national ones), but watching tonight's umpteenth Democratic debate from Las Vegas, they're the only candidates who can get any words in edgewise. They are the favorites.
And the other four contestants—I mean—candidates have obvious, yet restrained frustration on their pretty little foreheads.
Sadly, this is how my mind works:
Hillary Clinton is the popular girl who has gone to the same school her entire life. The head cheerleader who is going steady with the guitar- (or saxohpone-?) playing quarterback. By 12th grade, she is finally the favorite to win beauty queen. She's on the ballot, err. . . stage because, for no better reason, you've known her name since kindergarten.
Barack Obama is the new girl to town. She transferred from her former school (in Illinois or somewhere, it doesn't matter where because she's hott!!1) and has out-of-nowhere taken some popularity points from Hillary, the standard by which all other hussies are measured. You actually listen to what this girl has to say, and she makes sense on some things, if not all of them.
John Edwards is the girl you knew in eighth grade who all of a sudden is really attractive four years later. Because she was a late bloomer, she still has that ugly duckling syndrome and is eternally nice about everything she does. Not only is she beautiful and smart, she's super-sweet. I mean, having to take care of her sick family and still able to get on stage? That takes guts. There's not a bad thing you can say about her. Unless you're one of the other girls. . .
Your heart has to go out to Dennis Kucinich, the smart, nerdy kid who always plays his Gameboy and swears aliens are real. Not only has the man had to stand on barstools to order at McDonald's his whole life, he can't even finish a sentence without one of the more popular kids interrupting.
Gotta go. Principal Blitzer is calling me to his office.
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